| Refugee Life and Coming to the U.S. RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
Husband: My wife and I have been refugees since
1990, when we fled Liberia. I came to the U.S. in May of 2004
with three of our children. My wife joined me here two years
later with two more of our children.
Back in 1990, I worked for the Liberian government, in the
Ministry of Agriculture. I was a target for the rebels because
of my government affiliation. Our family is Grebo from the
Eastern region of Liberia. We fled to the Tabou area in the
Ivory Coast and lived in a refugee camp there for more than
13 years.
Life in the camp was very difficult. There were no schools
and little food, so there was no control—“the
person who controls your stomach, controls your direction.”
We only ate one meal a day. We would eat about 5:30 P.M. and
then not eat again until 5:30 the next night. The U.N. gave
us handouts. We had just one room for the whole family. It
was difficult to control the children; we did it through prayer.
Some children left their parents who were in the camp. Whatever
money we got was reserved for food. I was not able to buy
my wife clothes for many years.
We are also Assemblies of God ministers, and we ran a ministry
in the camp. Every Wednesday our congregation would fast and
pray. One particular Wednesday in 2003, my wife was leading
a service of fasting and prayer, when soldiers from the government
of Ivory Coast entered the church. A civil war was starting
in the Ivory Coast, and both sides accused Liberians.
Wife: I was standing at the front of the church
facing the congregation, so I was the only one who could see
the soldiers enter the church with their guns. I tried to
remain calm so the people would not panic. I told the soldiers
we were fasting and praying, but a soldier responded, “It
is time for war, not time for church.” Once the congregation
saw the soldiers, people starting running in every direction.
The soldiers arrested us and took us to the local authorities.
They made the men take off their clothes and stand in the
sun from 8:00 A.M. until 5:30 P.M.
Husband: Since I was the vice chair of the refugee
committee for the camp, I was at a meeting in the United Nations
compound while this was going on. I received a message that
government soldiers had arrested my wife and congregation,
so I went to another office on the U.N. compound and requested
the U.N.’s help in freeing them. The U.N. called in
French troops stationed nearby, who confirmed that my wife
and the other church members were refugees. The Ivory Coast
soldiers checked to make sure that all of the refugees were
registered with UNHCR,
which they were. However, they freed everyone except my wife.
They considered her a threat because she was a leader, and
they told her she had to leave Ivory Coast. A U.N. vehicle
agreed to drive her to the Liberian border the next morning,
along with our 6-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter.
Wife: It was not safe for my husband to return with
me to Liberia, due to his past government affiliation, so
I went alone with our two smallest children. I stayed in Liberia
for about 11 months—until “World War III”
broke out in Liberia—then I brought the children back
to their father in the refugee camp. We were in an impossible
situation—I could not remain in the Ivory Coast and
my husband could not return to Liberia.
Around this time, we heard that the U.S. might be willing
to resettle some Liberians from the Ivory Coast, due to the
unstable situation there. I decided to go looking for our
three children who had been scattered, in the hopes of reuniting
our family.
I went out to the bush trying to find our three missing older
children. I went to the last place we had heard that they
went, and then I followed word of mouth from one place to
the next. I was able to locate one son in Guinea, in a refugee
camp near the town of Nzerekore. He had fled to Guinea when
the war broke out in Ivory Coast. This son and I then tracked
down another son living in a village in the Ivory Coast.
Husband: While she was out in the bush, I was called
for a U.S. refugee resettlement interview, in February 2004.
They moved us from the refugee camp in Tabou to Abidjan, the
capital of Ivory Coast, about 12 hours away. We stayed there
for about four months while they processed us for resettlement.
First I gave my story to IOM
[the International Organization for Migration], then I had
an interview with U.S. “immigration” where they
cross-examine you. It takes about a week to find out if you
passed the interview. I got the results the second week of
April and came to the U.S. with three of our children, in
May 2004.
Life and Employment in the U.S. RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
After arriving in the U.S., I was eventually able to make
contact with my wife, who had returned to the Tabou refugee
camp with our two sons. I went to a local refugee resettlement
agency and filed “Affidavits of Relationship”
for my wife and sons.
It was terrible being a newly arrived refugee and a single
parent. I was confused. I could not sleep. I just worried.
But I had to work to send money back to my wife. I got a job
stocking shelves on the night shift at a large discount grocery
chain. I worked from 9:00 P.M. until 5:30 A.M. I left my oldest
daughter in charge, but at work I worried about leaving the
kids alone at home. My daughter did most of the cooking while
I was separated from my wife; men do not cook in Liberian
culture.
I still work at the discount grocery chain on the weekends.
I also work for an agency that delivers meals to people with
HIV and cancer. I handle ordering of supplies, and delivery
of meals. Our family also collects used clothing for refugees
back in the camp. When we have enough clothes and enough money,
we package it in a large barrel and mail it back to Tabou.
We are Assemblies of God ministers, but here we attend a
Catholic Church that has been very helpful to us. We are used to
more dancing and singing at church. We still support a ministry
in the Tabou refugee camp, called Maranatha. We take a tithe
from every paycheck and send it back to support this ministry.
However, we are in the U.S. to stay, and we hope to someday
have a church here.
Wife: I again pastored the Assemblies of God church
after I returned to the Tabou camp, but it was hard being
separated from my husband. Usually, a Liberian woman does
not work for income, everything is on the man. I could not
sleep. The thinking was too much for me. It was so hard to
be lonely.
When we finally were reunited in the U.S., in April 2006,
it was jubilation. He brought me flowers at the airport. It
was not strange being back together as a family; the only
strange thing was getting used to this culture. I have been
volunteering at an outreach program through our church, and
I am now applying for jobs as a nurse’s aide.
Husband: Here, everyone is in their houses, but
in Africa our doors are open. I can enter your house anytime
except when you are sleeping, but here you can’t do
that.
Childrearing RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
Wife: Here, the children get their own way, but
in Africa we can beat [2] the children. Here you talk, you need
patience, you advise them not to do that, but the children
need to see action before they get afraid.
Husband: The Bible says, “Spare the rod, spoil
the child.” Shortly after we arrived, I asked my young
son to untie my shoes. His four-year-old friend, who was with
him, responded that my son did not have to do that for me.
My older children, who were over age 15 when they came here,
already have the African culture in them. They are more submissive:
when I talk they respond.
The freedoms are too large for the children here. In Liberia,
when parents are speaking, the children shut up. Here, children
have the first priority; children demand from their parents,
they don’t ask.
Education RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
Husband: Our older children went for years without
school in the refugee camp. In Liberia, there were no textbooks.
Here the children are going to school freely, there is no
tension on us. Now, my youngest son is in 5th grade; he takes
the bus to school. Another son and daughter are in 9th and
10th grades. I drop them off at the high school in the morning,
and they take a city bus home in the afternoon. Our son in
the 10th grade plays varsity soccer at school. He plays for
a private team as well and just won a soccer tournament. Our
21-year-old son is getting his General Equivalency Degree
(GED) and job training through a local Job
Corps program. We see him on weekends.
Family Obligations and Marriage RETURN
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Husband: In Liberia if you needed childcare, a relative—usually
a single female—would come to live with you and take
care of the children. Here, Liberians are adjusting to the
American system and using daycare.
In Liberia, no matter how old or grown a girl is, until she
marries she will stay with you in the house. After marriage,
the wife goes to live with the husband’s family, where
she will serve the parents. A daughter who leaves the house
without a husband would not have respect, she would be considered
hopeless.
Marriage arrangements can happen by the parents’ choice
or your choice, but the child or the parent can also reject
the choice.
We have been married 35 years; we were about 20 when we married.
We chose each other.
Wife: But my parents rejected my choice. They cut
off contact with me for several years. But after our fourth
child, they were convinced and they had contact with me again.
I have four sisters, and one brother who died a long time
ago. Two sisters live in the Liberian town of Harper, one
sister lives in Monrovia, and one sister is in the Ivory Coast.
However, sisters can’t file in the U.S. to reunify with
sisters. If my mother was still living and was in the U.S.,
she could file for my sisters, but my mother was killed in
1994, when the rebels chopped her up.
Husband: My mother is still alive in Monrovia. She
was in a refugee camp in the Ivory Coast in 2003, but now
she is with her sister in Monrovia, and we support them from
here.
In Africa, if you’re from the other village, you’re
still my sister. There is no line—if you don’t
help your extended family, you are selfish. Two or three times
a day I get calls for financial help from Liberia. If I don’t
help, I am considered selfish. I got two calls today asking
me for money while I was at work. It is difficult.
We support about 10 people who are still in Liberia or in
the camps. Every paycheck, we send some money. Plus, when
they call me from overseas, they want me to call them back
so that I pay the phone bill. Because we were in the refugee
camps for 13 years, we know how hard it is.
We still have one son who is missing. We don’t know
where he is. He would be almost 19 now. We last saw him in
2002, but we have no reliable information about him now.
Advice RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
Husband: Here we are released. To bring up children
here, the burden is less. Over there, it hurt me because I
wanted to satisfy my son, but I didn’t have it.
My advice is to be yourself, take your time, be mindful to
get into the culture, do not rush, be quick to hear and slow
to take action. It is easier to live here. What the law says,
do it. Be obedient.
Wife: We bless God for the American government that
brought us here. It only takes the love of God to do that.
1
- Names have been changed to protect participants’ privacy. BACK
2
- Note from BRYCS: Liberians and other Africans may use the term "beat" to mean any type of physical discipline, including spanking or light switching - this does not mean "beat up" as it might in the U.S. BACK
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