| Family
Background RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
I am originally from the Bale region of Oromia, in Ethiopia.
Before coming to the U.S., my family and I were living in
Addis Ababa, the capital city.
My wife was the first one to come to the U.S., in 1997. She
came by herself and stayed at first with my aunt, who also
lives in the U.S. With the help of an attorney, my wife was
granted asylum
due to the situation of the Oromo people in Ethiopia.
Since my wife was granted asylum, our children and I were
permitted to join her here. I came to the U.S. in June 2000,
along with my son, then age 12, and my daughter, who was 8
years old.
I was separated from my wife for three years. The kids needed
their mom, and it was hard for me too, but we were living
with my sisters and they helped care for my kids. While we
were separated, my wife called from the U.S. almost everyday
or every other day. That was very important. She sent games,
clothes, and gifts for the children, and she talked with us
regularly. So it was like she was far away but still with
us.
My wife and I were married in 1982 – she was age 24
and I was age 28. We both come from large families: I have
4 brothers and 5 sisters; my wife has 6 bothers and 4 sisters.
Several of my siblings are now living with their families
in Nairobi, Kenya. We are trying to help them come to the
U.S. as refugees as well.
The Oromo
in Ethiopia RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
The Oromo people are the largest
ethnic group in Ethiopia, but they are oppressed and do not
have a voice as the majority. They have been out of power
for many years. They do not have power over their land, resources,
and wealth, and many Oromo have experienced imprisonment,
even torture. The Oromo people are still claiming their right
to freedom and political power.
My uncle was just released from prison last week. He is a
small business owner, and the government security services
assume that Oromo business owners financially support the
Oromo movement. My uncle was imprisoned and tortured for one
month, before being released. This is very hard on all of
us.
Religion RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
The majority of the Oromo people are Muslim. Of the Oromos
who are Protestant Christians, many are Lutheran. Norwegian
and German missionaries spread the Bible to Oromia many years
ago. Here, we are part of an Oromo church.
Family Life
in the U.S. RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
In the U.S. it seems like my wife and I are running all the
time to work. We are busy all the time. We have two kids who
need support, and we don’t have time to accommodate
more children. My parents ask why we don’t have more
children, and there are expectations from family to have more
children, but here we don’t have the extended family
to support us.
In Africa, everyone helps each other – both relatives
and neighbors – but here people don’t even know
the neighbors next door. We have tried to get to know our
neighbors, and sometimes we say hello, but everybody is running;
we don’t have time.
Employment RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
I started a job here in the U.S. two years ago. I provide
support services to other businesses and government agencies.
In Ethiopia, I used to work for a large corporation in the
personnel department. It is a challenge to start a business
here in the U.S., but it is better to work for oneself. I
hope to employ my relatives once they arrive here.
My wife is also employed; she works as a nursing assistant
in a local hospital.
Passing on Oromo Culture RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
We try to teach our language to our children by speaking
Oromo at home. Before we came to the U.S., the children spoke
Oromo perfectly. Now, I speak to them in Oromo, and they respond
to me in English.
Some of the Oromo values that I want to pass on to my children
are respecting family, elders, and each other. When you respect
elders, you maintain the connection between the generations;
if you lose that, the generations are disconnected. If you
are in a meeting and an elder enters the room, everyone will
stand up out of respect for that elder. We will also kneel
down when greeting an elder, or kiss the shoes of an elder
– some people think this is backwards, but it is showing
respect.
I also want my children to love their country of origin –
the language, food, dress, and ways of greeting. In Oromo
culture, we give big hugs when greeting each other.
How we dress is also important. For ladies, their skirts
should come down to the ankle. We have to respect how we look
and how we dress.
Discipline RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
Back home in Ethiopia, children do not have as much freedom
as they do in the U.S. They help their families after school
– in farming, shopkeeping, business. Kids are very close
to their families. There is more discipline there –
you can discipline your child at anytime. Relatives in Africa
will punish children too, if they do something bad.
Here it is different from family to family. My kids are very
disciplined, they listen to their mother and father and they
follow our instruction. In other families, I see there are
more problems – like smoking and drinking.
In this country, parents use time outs. But in Oromo culture,
this doesn’t work. In school in Ethiopia, the teacher
would hit your hand with a ruler. At home, parents would use
a small stick or a leather strap. When children did something
wrong, parents might point to the leather strap hanging on
the wall as a warning. Here it is confusion, everything is
freedom; but with time outs, nothing can improve.
Parenting
in the U.S. RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
In our family, the children listen to us, they don’t
have bad habits, like smoking. We try to advise those families
who have problems with their children, to spend more time
with their kids – to be close to them – because
in the U.S. some families don’t have time for their
kids. Everyone is running 24-hours-a-day just to cover expenses.
In Africa, if you’re poor, you live poor; there are
no bills to pay. Children come home from school and they serve
their families. All the time, the children are with their
families.
Earlier today, my friend and I were discussing parents in
the U.S. Some seem to lose their personal values. There is
a good standard of living here – you can have a house,
a car – but most people are living on more than their
income. They might make $8 an hour but drive an $18,000 car.
Some people lose their values because they are running here
and there, but they have no time for their family. Values
seem to shift from the family to what you have.
Everything is good here, compared with African countries,
but here we still live with hardship. We try to live like
rich people, and many people are sending money back home to
support others.
Helping
Family Back Home RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
Many people support people back home. They are not living
for themselves, but living for their families back home. Many
people don’t live their lives; they’re living
for others. The expectations are high—even $5 is big
money back home. For many refugees and immigrants living in
the U.S., they are sending back 10% or 15% of their income.
Advantages for Children in the U.S. RETURN
TO TOPICS LIST
America is the best country for children – the school
system, how the teachers follow the students, bringing in
new technology, libraries, bus transportation to school, medical
insurance, how children come together with other kids from
different colors and cultures and become friends. I grew up
in one Oromo culture, but here my kids know other students
who are Japanese, Hispanic, Nigerian. All of this is best
for kids.
My son is now studying pharmacy at university; he enjoys
math and sciences. He is also good at sports, especially football.
Now he lives at college with some of his friends from high
school.
Our daughter is in middle school. She plays guitar and sings
in church. She wants to be a lawyer. I think she has the temperament
to help people some day.
My dream for our children is that they complete college and
continue until they get their Ph.D. I also hope that they
go back home and help people in Oromia too…but my son
already says he will stay in the U.S. forever.
1 - Names have been
changed to protect participants’ privacy. BACK
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